The Peace Summit From Hellš„
Satire
Nothing says āpeace summitā like two men accused of war crimes deciding which country should be bombed next.
Donald Trump and Benjamin Netanyahu are meeting at the White House to discuss whether the United States should keep negotiating with Iran or return to Washingtonās favorite diplomatic tradition, dropping extremely expensive machinery on people until they become more agreeable.
It is quite a gathering.
Netanyahu arrives under an International Criminal Court arrest warrant alleging war crimes and crimes against humanity. Trump arrives followed by his own growing cloud of war-crimes accusations and legal warnings, plus the usual confidence of a man who believes international law is something weaker countries are expected to obey.
The central question is whether Netanyahu can persuade Trump to abandon or narrow negotiations with Iran.
In ordinary English, Bibi has come to Washington to explain that talking is dangerous, bombing is responsible, and peace should only be attempted after enough bridges, power stations, military installations, and inconvenient neighborhoods have been turned into smoking evidence of regional stability.
Trump, meanwhile, says he wants diplomacy.
Watching Donald Trump discover diplomacy is like watching a raccoon discover a violin. You admire the curiosity, but you still expect him to smash it, steal something shiny, and blame Barack Obama.
New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani has offered a less polite assessment. Mamdani called Netanyahu the āarchitect of a horrific genocideā in Gaza and said the Israeli prime minister is not welcome in New York City.
That is Mamdaniās accusation, not a judicial finding. But it does capture the surreal contrast between how Netanyahu is treated in New York and how he is received in Washington.
In New York, Mamdani says he should face accountability.
In Washington, Trump gives him a chair, a photo opportunity, and a chance to browse the Pentagon weapons catalog.
Speaking of ego. How about an inside look at how it works and how it can be controlled in my new booklet, I Am Mikeās Ego? It is a funny, thoughtful read about recognizing that voice, reclaiming peace, and putting ego back in its proper place.
One city hears āwar-crimes warrantā and starts talking about the law. The White House hears it and asks whether the guest prefers coffee or another aircraft carrier.
Netanyahu, naturally, accused Mamdani of fomenting hate. This is now a familiar political trick. Bombing civilians is described as security. Calling attention to civilian deaths is described as hatred. Demanding accountability becomes extremism, while proposing another military campaign is treated as the sober position held by serious adults.
Netanyahu knows how to work Trump. He will bring maps, intelligence folders, ominous photographs, and enough urgent warnings to make Iran appear capable of building a nuclear weapon before dessert.
His argument will be simple: diplomacy has failed because it has not yet produced the war he requested.
Trump may resist, not because he has become Gandhi in a red tie, but because wars are expensive, unpopular, difficult to control, and filled with generals who speak in complete paragraphs.
Trump prefers conflicts that can be announced online, finished before the evening news, and commemorated with a gold plaque, a ballroom, and perhaps a limited-edition victory cologne.
The moral authority in the room should be breathtaking.
Netanyahu, formally accused by the ICC, will argue that more bombing is necessary for security. Trump, who has faced legal warnings over threats and attacks involving civilian infrastructure, will decide whether further destruction is useful, politically convenient, or at least good television.
Perhaps Trump will choose negotiations.
Perhaps he will impose another deadline, because nothing says serious foreign policy like repeatedly giving the world two weeks to behave.
Perhaps Netanyahu will leave disappointed, forced to return home without a fresh American war tucked under his arm.
Or perhaps the two men will emerge smiling, praise their commitment to peace, and announce several exciting new ways to kill people until peace improves.
The cameras will flash. The flags will stand perfectly still. Mamdani will keep saying the quiet part out loud.
And the rest of us will once again be asked to pretend that two men standing beside a gasoline can are the best people available to discuss fire prevention.
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I think it is true that Wormtongue convinced Trump to go to war with Iran. Wormtongue's war cry was always "Iran must not ever have a nuclear bomb". Trump agreed and has repeated it frequently even as he has learned the folly of it. Dwindling ammunition and Maga support has informed him otherwise. I think Wormtongue will not find much joy this trip.
Who scheduled both of these controversial leaders to meet Trump on the same day???